Recent events (Division of Nigerian Foreign Affairs) have alerted me to the ever greater perils of daily life. There I was trolling my way through my e-mail when I glanced at the advertisements which so grace the Google pages. And there were three ads for degree courses in Homeland Security at various 'universities' of the mail order sort.
Of course it is my view that we lost the War on Terror as of 9/11 (so much more euphonious than the European 11/9). Quite simply, the sheer cost of protecting each and every one of us from those whose ambition in life (and death) is to blow us up, is a major factor in bankrupting us, giving us a set of national jitters to go along with joblessness and failed health care and insistently greedy bankers, and generally causing a slowdown in national life. A million-strong new bureaucracy of 'security' experts -- recruited only God knows how -- is now enthroned with the power to interfere in our private lives such as would never have been admissible a mere twenty years ago. I mean, did you know that any one of these people can seize your computer? confiscate you hard drive? delve into your correspondence?
Bet you didn't! But it is paradigmatic of American life that there is no niche or want that will not be filled by the Academy. Forget qualifications for degree-by-email courses: not even basic literacy is required. Some early morning hours have been spent considering the sort of curriculum a new-minted professor of Homeland Security might introduce. Here are a few sensible suggestions.
HS 101: Psychological Profiling of Terrorists: perspiration levels, bodily exudations, beard-analysis, Oedipal conflicts, criminal shiftiness.
HS 102: Linguistic Analysis: Basic Muslim, Arab oaths, translating explosive tracts, the hermeutics of stuttering, Body Language.
HS 201: Adanced Visa Studies: Detecting Voids in multiple applications, Buzz Words, detecting altered (edited) documents, Consular Analysis.
You get the picture. Background reading (for candidates who are able to read) include Kafka, Conrad, the Quran, Sharpton, Halliburton (the company, not the pre-war explorer), Basic English for Dummies, Coriolanus, Koestler.
I know this is all exaggerated, but so is the eagerness of the Education Business to pick up on every opportunity to make a buck.
Posts
Lahti
7 months ago
Here in the great Garden State, all the rage has been over a man who shut down Terminal C of Newark (Liberty) International Airport over a kiss this past Sunday. The man was meeting a woman, ducked under one of the retractable barriers to approach her, kissed her, and then walked off camera - and into the forbidden departure zone. (Other security cameras were not working, adding to the hysteria over just who the unmasked man was). Hundreds were "stranded" because of the "breach." Our underwhelming Senator, Frank Lautenberg, crawled out of the nursing home just long enough to wonder aloud just "where the devil" the man went.
ReplyDeleteVis-a-vis your sentiments, people are "pussies," to use the vulgar vernacular. No chance is too small when it comes to our personal safety. I'm hoping at least this recession might toughen some people up, because they won't have the disposable income to buy Salad Shooters and other modern luxuries which "pussify" them further. (Sorry, there's no other word for it, honestly).